Thursday 31 May 2012

Worst 100 Things to say on a First Date Part 2

If you're a girl.....
101 "You need more Cowbell."

100 - 91

100. "That? Oh, its a scar from where my penis used to be."
99. "My penis was larger than that, before that surgery."
98. "Lorena Bobbit is just misunderstood."
97. "I believe in Castration before Marriage.. how about you?"
96. "Awwww. (crying) I am so happy that you asked me on a date!!! It's been so long!!"
95. "Hi, son!"...reply "Hi, son fucker!"
94. "Dad, you know I hate it when you nibble on my neck!"
93. "Eh, I suppose I'm having fun. What else am I supposed to do when my electric toothbrush runs out of batteries?"
92. (To be said after sex) "My last girlfriend was a waaaaay better licker than you are."
91. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!.. oh I'm sorry, were you saying something?"

90 - 81

90. "I just love _______" (the blank can be filled with James Blunt, Madonna, James Blunt,cher, James Blunt, Backstreet Boys, James Blunt,Celine Dione, James Blunt etc. James Blunt)
89. "Wanna see me rip out my implants? All the blood and fatty tissue will just turn me on!!"
88. "If you don't pay for dinner, I'll cut your balls off."
87. "You do know that I don't like it when guys get boners under the table"
86. "This is so crazy... I thought you were gay!"
85. "8 inches is the bare minimum"
84. "I'm like Paris Hilton, with Hepatitis!"
83. "How far can you stick this up your ass?"
82. "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? And dont tell me to go ask a woodchuck...I'm not falling for that one again"
81. "Y'know what I like about chastity belts? Everything"

80 - 71

80. "I know!, how about this time, I be the Guy and you be the girl!!"
79. "I wisth I coultd bee asth baeutifule ashe here!"
78. "Sorry... I thought you were a girl..."
77. "I forgot to shave."
76. "Can I throw up in your butt?"
75. "Is your nickname 'Tiny'?"
74. "I'm not wearing any panties. Too much mold."
73. "Do you like whips, chains, knives, and hot branding irons?"
72. "Lets make Cabbits!"
71. "As soon as we're married, we're getting YOU a vagina!"

70 - 61

70. "How do you feel about having sex in a room full of stuffed animals?"
69. "On top of stuffed animals?"
68. "Inside of stuffed animals?"
67. "With stuffed animals?"
66. "Can I touch your ding-dong-danggly now?"
65. "You have a strap-on, right?"
64. "So, you're you into bestiality too?"
63. "Aww it's so cute!"
62. "You know, you're so sweet. I still haven't completely gotten over my last rape..."
61. (when he is naked) "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

60 - 51

60. "I looked at Wikipedia."
59. "You're not nearly as jealous or well armed or addicted to PCP as my last boyfriend."
58. "I hope you're not too picky about bowel control."
57. "I'll decide if it's rape tomorrow morning."
56. "...vagina full of centipedes..."
55. "There is no Dana only Zuul!"
54. "You know what I love? Putting costumes on my cats."
53. "What's your name again? I was thinking about marriage and sort of spaced out."
52. "What's your name again? I was thinking about carnage and sort of spaced out."
51. "Hi, I'm Lynndie England"

50 - 41

50. "Where am I? Who are you? Aww, who cares?
49. Don't you love Oprah and Dr. Phil?!
48. "When I get excited, I make sounds like a chipmunk and a dying donkey."
47. From when the guy walks her out to the car, "Alright, do me before I change my mind."
46. "You're my dad, you're my dad."
45. "Just put your penis inside of me and see what comes out."
44. "I'll only be happy if you fuck me."
43. "I like it when other people put things inside of me."
42. "I have to lose my virginity before the next full moon so I'll be exempt from the rite sacrifice to Kromdar, Traveler of the Desert of Madness, Lord of Blood and Flames, Vindicator of The Traitorous."
41 "I promised my parents I'd bring them some fun home."

40 - 31

40 "(Loudly) What the fuck do you mean? Of course i'll let you cum into my nostrils!"
39 "Lets see if you're any better than my brother"
38 "So, should i get a dead end job and look after the kids or the other way round?"
37 "Of course as a muslim....."
36 "Don't tell my husband we went out. He'll know I why I couldn't come to his wrestling match..."
35 "Naaw, I d-don' have a drinkn' problem... can yous hold back meh hair for a sec?"
34 "What do you want to name our kids?"
33 "You can fuck me, but my dad can't find out. He gets jealous real easy."
32 "This is my dog, Ballbuster. Isn't he cute? Watch, he bites..."
31 "My names reece rymell and i work at McDonalds, so I don't think you can afford me."

30 - 21

30 "You don't mind the vag piercings right? It's just a couple spikes."
29 "Yeah. Uh huh. Okay. Can we just get to the sex now."
28 "Lick it for a little bit and see what happens."
27 "Ooh, sorry. I didn't mean to squirt you in the eye.
26 "Greedo shot first!"
25 "Um...I think Michael Jackson is HOT"
24 "Can my Moms join she's the lady from the pancake box...Aunt Jemima...she'll get us all sticky"
23 "IM HUGE!"
22 "My hobby is being a nagging bitch. Do YOU have a problem with that?" (There is no right answer.)
21 "My goal in life? Child support and Alimony."

20 - 11

20 "I can't have sex until the economy is more stable."
19 "Hold on, my Pimp is callin'"
18 "WhatWhyareyoulookingatmelikethatAreyouafreakorsomehtingYouthinkyourbetterthanmeWellI'vegotsomenewsforyoubuster..."
17 "I tell people I'm a born again christian virgin, but I'm such a lying slut."
16 "Want to know a secret? J'ai sexuellement transmis les maladies, and I'm really horny."
15 "Lets be Myspace friends!"
14 "One day I want to be famous like (anyone on this list)
13 "So like he TOTALLY like you know and I like was all as if and he was all like my dad about sleeping with his best friend after I spent all his money."
12 "Jobs are for guys."
11 (first thing said) "How much money do you have in your wallet?"

Top Ten

10 "You want to have sex with me? Hold on let me check my schedule. I have an 8 minute opening next Wednesday..."
9 "It's a vagina, I swear!"
8 "My anus is big enough for both of us." (as seen on t-shirts)
7.33333333 "No, it's just that my anus is bleeding..."
7 Don't say anything. Just stare and take notes on how to kill him.
6 Talk in Third Person e.g. Jemiamah (Jemiamah?) wishes to drink some alchohol, bitch.
5 "Somedays I get so emo I could kill myself and everybody I know! What's your name again?"
4 "So I hear you like Mudkips..."
3 "Look, here's the truth. I'm going to act real cute, I'm going to call you "master" in bed and pretend to fight and enjoy it. Then fake some bruises and have a rape test done. Then blackmail you for all your worth."
2 "So then I just made up lies about him and then told them to all his friends and family. He's serving 10 - 25 years now."
1 "is your dick bigger then mine?"0.5 "I have AIDS, HIV, Clamidia, Crabs the whole package!"
0.4 "Nice dick"
0.3 "So I heard you are a woman "

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